Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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