That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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