Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
