Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
