1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
