'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
