Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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