I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
