I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Pants are for mortals
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
