Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
this will be a night to untag.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
