What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
