I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
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