woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Randomize
