Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
