Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
