I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Acid is not a monday night drug
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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