you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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