Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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