She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
