Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
