dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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