i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
