Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
