I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
