So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
