he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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