So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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