Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
