Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
