The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
