what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
