My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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