I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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