I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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