My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Why can't burritos get me drunk
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
