Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Randomize
