My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
