he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
