I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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