Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
