Nicole vs. Life
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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