What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
