I think i peed on brittanys purse
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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