i'm signing you up for texting rehab
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
