well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
