My first STD was from a foam party
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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