I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
