Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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