Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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