She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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