wanna go halves on a baby?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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