All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
