I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
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