Grow some girl-balls and come out already
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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