i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
